I’m looking for a new career direction. Not because I’ve a strong appetite for personal growth, new challenges or a desire to immerse in all that life has to offer. It’s more because other directions aren’t really working out for me. So maybe what I need is to head off along a completely new path taking my ignorance and inexperience with me. And a path I’ve avoided before now, wherever possible, is the one marked ‘Computers’. You don’t know you have a natural aptitude for something until you’ve tried do you? I’ve therefore decided to have a crack at the world of technology.
Dear Head of Computer Maintenance, Cyber Crime Unit, MI6
I would like to apply for the Computer Repair Engineer position as advertised in this month’s ‘Technology World Expert Review Periodical’. Not normally a magazine I’d read, so feel it fortuitous that it was the only thing available at the doctor’s surgery yesterday. There’s normally a good selection of pamphlets on all manner of diseases and illnesses to occupy the wait, but I was left with ‘Gonorrhoea’ and feel I already know as much as there is to know about that. So I thumbed through ‘TWERP’ and was drawn to this vacancy.
Although computers hadn’t been invented when I was at school and I’ve had little reason to use one (ever), I do have some knowledge of domestic machinery and believe I have a multitude of transferrable skills. For example; I have worked in retail for many a year and using a cash register has become second nature. I could operate one in my sleep (which I sometimes do given the times I’ve nodded off at work). Pressing the buttons in the correct order is something I’ve become quite proficient at and believe using a computer is pretty much the same thing. And I would presume that the role of the repair engineer is to discover why those buttons may not be working. I’d be happy to enrol on a course to learn how to do that.
Machinery I’ve experience in using and repairing include my washing machine, my kettle and hairdryer. So I have a full comprehension of how to remove stray bra wires, descaling of heating elements and the disentanglement of singed hair, all techniques which may or may not be useful in the computer repair world.
I admit my hands-on know-how is limited, but I have mastered the all-important skill of ‘Turning it off and on again’. And I’m expecting it to be one of those jobs where you very much learn as you go. I’m sure I’d very quickly become familiar with all the whizzy fizzbots and the dongly portsticks.
I have in fact written this application on a computer. I’ve found it’s just like using a typewriter. A friend is going to help me ‘email’ it to you, (learning so many new computer terms, I’m hoping it will boost my chances). I’m not sure how much it costs to send an email, but I’ll pop a 1st AND 2nd Class Stamp on it, just to be on the safe side. Wouldn’t want my email being held up in the post.
Very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards…….
Job Application; Head Coach, British Bobsleigh Team
Job Application; Mobile Dentist
The Lockwood Echo 