Good afternoon everyone and welcome to week six of Job Club.
This session will concentrate on starting a new job. It’s kind of the whole point of Job Club, so it’s important that we at least touch on some of the obstacles and situations you are likely to encounter. I know none of you are anywhere close to securing any kind of meaningful employment, but it will give you something to play over in your mind whilst you’re waiting for the kettle to boil or the Countdown clock to go round.
Your first day will be make or break, but fortunately, having had so many first days at new jobs myself, I’m able to offer extensive expertise here. It’ll be your introduction to your new colleagues and will give you your first opportunity to be judgemental on who you will or won’t get along with. It will also be the day you officially enrol as an employee and, sorry to say, there’s likely to be more form-filling.
I know that having been through the Job Seekers Allowance application process, the thought of another form will have you reaching for a razor blade. But you’re going to have to suck it up Buttercup, as this one will get you on that all important Payroll. New rules mean that, even if everyone in your family since Medieval times was born here, you have to provide ‘Proof of Right to Work’ in this country. A note from your Mum will not suffice. So, along with the other 748 pieces of information your new employer will ask for, you need to provide some vital documentation.
As you are unemployed or imminently so, it’s unlikely you can afford the bus fare to Asda let alone a plane ticket abroad, so we’ll rule out passports for identification purposes. Not only that, passport photos in the hands of strangers are easy targets for manipulation and bribery. Most of you already have too many skeletons in your closet to add another blackmailer to the list. Your only other option then is a Full Birth Certificate. The ‘Full’ version is one that lists your forefathers back to Neolithic times. It will need to be signed by everyone who was present at your birth and by the taxi/ambulance driver who took your mother to the maternity unit. If you weren’t born in this country but believe you qualify as having a ‘Right to Work’ here, you will need to provide a detailed account of how you travelled and receipts for all transportation. You will also need to demonstrate a working understanding of British dialects, be acquainted with Morris Dancing (its history and traditions) and know ALL the colours of the map lines on the London Underground.
Like I said, just food for thought and something to be prepared for as that first day is still a long way off yet. Well, that’s all for this session. Thankyou everyone and I will see you all back here next week for Job Club.
The Lockwood Echo 