BOOK

typewriter-2653187_1920Remember that odd little piece I posted a few weeks back titled PUNK? Well, I’m in an odd mood again so I’m going to post another. The headline subject this time, as you can see, is BOOK.

A short word, but an infinite number of possibilities. All those worlds and ideas held within just four simple letters.

My inspiration for choosing the word BOOK? Well, I’ve only bloody gone and done and written one! I’ve completely taken leave of my senses, researched what ‘Insert Page Break’ means and am now poised over a button on Kindle that questions me; ‘Publish?’

Well, I’m going to have to pour myself a very stiff drink first because I near had a fit just watching the ‘We’re preparing your book for preview’ loading page.

Anyhow, I understand that it’s all in the marketing, so let me give that my best shot;
It’s only a little e-book. No big deal. 5000 words, 2000 of which are really superfluous padding; acknowledgements etc. There are photos too. Which are mostly shit. Apart from the ones not even taken by me. And it doesn’t quite look how I’d hoped, but hey, I’m a book-publishing virgin. My technique can only improve. Oh, did I mention it’s for CHARIDEEEEE. And it’s about dogs.

So there you have it. And to think people employ publishers and literary agents to get the publicity and promotion just right. Who needs that? Your anticipation and excitement for my book is palpable. But you will just have to supress those coiled springs a little longer. There WILL be a big announcement when it’s available to download. Yes I’m charging for it. No you don’t have to buy it. But at least have a peek and go ‘Awww’ at the lovely doggy on the cover.

In the meantime…….
RHYMES WITH ‘BOOK’;

COOK; Verb. As filled with possibilities as ‘Book’. Alas, those possibilities elude me. I was not born to cook. I was born to eat. To me, cooking is chopping a tomato, heating stuff up in the microwave, rinsing a lettuce. My culinary skills remain somewhat underdeveloped. And even when I do feel the urge to grab a recipe and have a go, it’s not unknown for me to substitute most of the ingredients. Usually for chocolate. I’m not completely incompetent. I can fry eggs. Although I have to sacrifice a pan each time. Some years back I was searching for some cake-baking advice and stumbled upon a forum thread which left me howling with laughter. A poor hapless soul, as inept in the kitchen as me, was tying herself up in knots seeking out baby step answers for what most people seemed to naturally understand when it came to baking a cake. My heart went out to her in sisterly anguish. There were tin size agonies, oven temperature conversions, all manner of ingredient quantity adjustments. As it all ended with more questions than solutions, the decision was made to go ahead and just wing-it. Winnie-Bella, if you’re out there, I salute you. For being brave enough to ask what seemed obvious to some, to ask what shouldn’t have even been a question and for being my go to phrase whenever I make something up as I go along; I WINNIE-BELLA IT!

FOOK; Idiom. As in ‘Couldn’t give a ….’. See above.

 

 

 

 

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