The 12 Stones of Christmas

croissant-648803_1920It is officially ChristMonth Eve so feel completely justified in launching myself full throttle into the festive season. I suspect most people, like me, have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Let’s focus on the love. Whether you’re in the ‘Ickle Baby Jesus Gang’, one of the ‘It’s All About The Telly And An Excuse For Another Gaudy Tree Bauble Tribe’, or a fully paid up member of the ‘We Must Stuff Our Faces With Fattening Food And Drink Ourselves Silly Till The Sun Returns Club’, the depths of winter (for us in the Northern Hemisphere at least) is a time that brings us indoors in search of warmth and light. How and where we seek/provide that warmth and light is as individual as ourselves. And there is no right or wrong about it. Just don’t be blowing smoke where it’s not wanted or shining lightbulbs where they’re not needed, (dive deep for the metaphors and ye shall find…….). So, here’s a little offering to get us underway. Starting with a traditonal Christmas Calorie, I mean Carol;

THE TWELVE STONES OF CHRISTMAS

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my Mid-Life gave to me…….

Twelve stones at weigh-in,

Eleven pounds of cake

Ten ‘You’re not worth it’

Nine sacks of shit,

Eight ‘We’re not hiring’

Seven ‘It won’t fit you’

Six public meltdowns

FIVE-CRATES-OF-GINNNNNNN

Four galling words

Three never agains

Two kinds of drug

And an on edge ‘Do I, don’t I?’ need to pee!

 

 

10 comments

  1. Reblogged this on The Lockwood Echo and commented:

    Merry ChristMonth Everyone! Yes, it’s a thing. I have such a love/hate relationship with Christmas, as I’m sure most of you do, but on the whole I try to throw myself into it, even though sometimes the emotions can overwhelm. I’m not a religious person. Christmas for me is very much a time to pause, take stock, be thankful, feel grateful and look around at the world. I also celebrate this mid-winter festival with feasting, colour and hope. In that order. I allow myself the poignancy and depth of feeling that Christmas brings, remembering loved ones lost and reflecting on all that the year has brought.

    Enough with the soppy stuff Lockwood. You are here to re-blog something funny from last year. And as you’ve never re-blogged one of your own posts before, you really should concentrate on the present.

    Ooh, present! I wonder what Father Christmas will bring?

    So, here’s a little giggle for you. Go with gusto unto the celebrations and stay safe my friends!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can always count on you to put a smile on my face. We;re officially one week into Christ-month. How’s the jolly and cheer holding up, so far? I know it’s sorta kinda late, or maybe not, but have you considered participating in Blogmas?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Outside of work it’s all very relaxed and cosy so far 😉 I don’t really socialise, I’m a bit of a hermit and homebird, but am getting it all looking Christmassy. I did consider Blogmas after reading your first post about it, but I’m not disciplined enough, even to do it partially! I seem to be on a go-slow with content at the moment 😉 Hope ChristMonth is bringing you joy and cheer too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m quite the homebody, myself. I certainly don’t decorate my home with the consideration of other people seeing it…LOL

        Yeah, I hear you. Blogmas was a very last minute decision on my part, and surprise surprise, I’ve already missed a day (yesterday). I am going to try and make the effort to catch up and contribute 2 posts tonight.

        So far, I’m enjoying ChristMonth. Perhaps thinking and writing about it every night is helping me with that experience. 🙂 I hope that, even if you don’t do Blogmas, you do blog a bit about the holidays and what you’re up to. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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