The 12 Stones of Christmas

croissant-648803_1920It is officially ChristMonth Eve so feel completely justified in launching myself full throttle into the festive season. I suspect most people, like me, have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Let’s focus on the love. Whether you’re in the ‘Ickle Baby Jesus Gang’, one of the ‘It’s All About The Telly And An Excuse For Another Gaudy Tree Bauble Tribe’, or a fully paid up member of the ‘We Must Stuff Our Faces With Fattening Food And Drink Ourselves Silly Till The Sun Returns Club’, the depths of winter (for us in the Northern Hemisphere at least) is a time that brings us indoors in search of warmth and light. How and where we seek/provide that warmth and light is as individual as ourselves. And there is no right or wrong about it. Just don’t be blowing smoke where it’s not wanted or shining lightbulbs where they’re not needed, (dive deep for the metaphors and ye shall find…….). So, here’s a little offering to get us underway. Starting with a traditonal Christmas Calorie, I mean Carol;


On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my Mid-Life gave to me…….

Twelve stones at weigh-in,

Eleven pounds of cake

Ten ‘You’re not worth it’

Nine sacks of shit,

Eight ‘We’re not hiring’

Seven ‘It won’t fit you’

Six public meltdowns


Four galling words

Three never agains

Two kinds of drug

And an on edge ‘Do I, don’t I?’ need to pee!



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