Last Christmas I was made redundant. It was a bit shit.
Welcome to my Christmas Redundancy Diary. It’s a cracker.
You may like to read my introduction, or just dive straight in. But please wear a wetsuit, some of my comments are icy cold…….

DAY FOUR

Breakfast; 7 cups of tea.

Very productive day today. I’ve finally found some work! I have registered with a consumer survey website and have earned £1.20 filling in an online questionnaire. I’m not at liberty to discuss the details of said questionnaire as the feedback I have given relates to a product still in the development stages. Companies take industrial espionage very seriously, so I feel like I’ve signed the Official Secrets Act and would be committing treason to divulge any specifics. Let’s just say it involves a high street coffee chain, a new range of summer drinks and a what the heck are they on, thinking up more pretentious hipster crap in a cup ideas.

I know some of you will be asking how you too can earn this kind of money. But don’t be fooled into thinking it’s a ‘get rich quick’ scheme, because it’s not for everyone. I hope I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings or stamped on anyone’s ambitions by saying that. But we’re not all cut from the same cloth. I just happen to possess the right qualities and aptitude for online surveys. I know how to switch on a laptop and have an unlimited supply of opinions that I’m not afraid to share. This kind of work requires integrity and honesty and I have a lifetime of experience in telling people what I think of them and their stuff. I also consider myself to be fairly articulate, so if I think something is shit I will try to lessen the blow by digging out my thesaurus and finding an alternative way to say it. No need to hurt someone’s feelings with an immature choice of words. For example; instead of saying something was a shit idea, I’d choose to say ‘idiotic’, ‘atrocious’, ‘diabolical’ or ‘bat crap crazy’. See how that comes across as a more intelligent and grown-up approach?

In other news, I’ve also just saved myself £500! By NOT buying a sofa in the New Year Sales. And because I’ve decided to not buy a sofa before the end of the month, I’ve saved myself a further £100!

Wasn’t sure how I was going to get through this first month financially, but those figures have given me a real boost.

I’m using artistic licence with the chronology, throwing in extra vowels and consonants for a fun, enjoyable read.
However, all events and breakfasts are accurately portrayed.

If you are employed or otherwise content and stable with your work/life/domestic situation, please pop over to WANTED. NOT WANTED. where you can have a smug, self-righteous, cosy giggle at my crumbling self-esteem. You’ll find my self-initiated Job Club, my ridiculous misguided applications for ANY kind of work and my redundancy diary, a revealing look into the day to day life of the lowlife worthless pits of humanity the unemployed. If you are not content and stable with your work/life/domestic situation, then let’s hold hands and stick our tongues out at the rest of the world. But you still have to go read all the stuff.