Continuing The Lockwood Echo’s series ‘Then There Was That Time…….’
A reflection on the mishaps, mayhem and ‘well who’d have thought its’ that have peppered my life.
Although I by no means have the monopoly on ‘Ummm, that was odd’, it is true to say the jinxed path I stumble down has navigated me into situations that you couldn’t make up. For example…….
THEN THERE WAS THAT TIME I WOKE UP WITH A SECOND DEGREE BURN
An ordinary evening. And as far as I was aware, an ordinary night. I sleep fitfully, I have more than my fair share of peculiar dreams. But I do think the following would have left some trace in my memory had some external force not prevented it.
I woke up to find a second degree burn on my wrist.
A couple of inches across. Deep. Nasty and blistered. Unexpected after a night’s sleep. If you could just take your kinky heads out of the gutter for a second, you may find yourself concerned at how it is possible I gained a deep burn in the Land Of Nod with no knowledge of it happening. I ruled out any kind of delayed reaction, alcohol, I’ve never walked in my sleep. My partner could shed no light on the mystery. Our cat would’ve alerted us to a Mary. (A Mary is a ghost. All ghosts are called Mary. In the same way that all seagulls are called Graham and why I’m rather enthusiastically on board and anticipating the foundation of The Church Of The Latter Day Steves. Looking at you Rhubarb Swank).
There was no other plausible cause.
There was only one explanation;
Aliens.
When you see stories about Alien Abduction, where some poor soul is recounting their terrifying tale of how they were tortured and experimented on and dropped in a corn field miles from home. That’s not Abduction. If those Aliens brought you back, that’s Rejection. Alien Rejection is what you’ve experienced. And so it was for me. Scarred me for life, rejected me and didn’t even have the decency to leave some intergalactic salve to soothe my bubbling skin.
It’s a scar I bear to this day.
For the sceptics out there who don’t believe in Alien Life, let alone their cruel Abductions and harsher Rejections, let me recount a childhood tale;
One holiday back in the ’70s, I was travelling by car with my parents. We noticed a hitch-hiking couple. They had a lovely hippie vibe about them and the lady was on crutches, so we offered them a lift. I can’t remember if there was any chat in the car, but after a few miles they asked to be dropped off, thanked us for our kindness and we carried on with our journey. After some time of quiet thought, one of my parents commented on the drop-off location. It was in the middle of nowhere. Why? Where were they going? On crutches. WHO WERE THEY? The penny then dropped that we’d picked them up IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!
There was only one explanation.
Aliens.
Over the years I’ve often thought about that day and it’s become obvious they must’ve been Aliens awaiting their Mothership. But not being use to our planet, its magnetic field or intricate criss-cross of English ‘A’ roads, they’d become disorientated and fucked up the rendezvous, necessitating a re-calculation of co-ordinates, a believable disguise and a crash course in Afghan waistcoats. Of course my heart went out to the two poor half-naked hippies left bewildered in some countryside ditch, having been disrobed by creatures from Outer Space. Hard to imagine how that went down. Let’s hope they had partaken of some acid and thought the whole thing a crazy drug-induced trip.
You don’t just wake up with a second degree burn. When weird shit happens, you can bet some weird shit caused it. They walk amongst us. They’re here. They’re touching you. That unexplained bruise? Those people at the bar you’ve never seen before that smell like potatoes? That weed in the garden that you just can’t seem to kill?
Aliens.
They see you.
They hear you.
And they’re ready to reject you.
This particular Graham we met whilst on a trip to celebrate our 10th Anniversary in 2014.
He came for breakfast every morning.
The Lockwood Echo 
I discovered a grid shaped bruise on my back earlier this week.
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So not only have you been rejected by aliens, they tested their fly swatter on you first. And I bet their flies are bigger than ours, so I feel for you. That’s gotta hurt. P.S. Thankyou for reading 😉
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I know me and I was probably swatted because I was misbehaving. More than likely I kept pushing buttons until I accidentally blew up a planet. 😉 ( I suspect that the real source of the bruise is an office chair)
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An office chair disguised as an alien……. 😉
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OMG. They smell like potatoes?? 🤣 Amazing!!! A ghost was sitting on my bed one night, he was wearing a plaid shirt. Have always assumed it was my uncle Bill, no idea it was actually a Mary!! HA! Dude, that’s some weird shit about your wrist. I am with you, you were totally rejected! #theyareoutthere
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I have to confess there was a bit of red wine on the go as I finished writing this last night, and I was sat outside looking at our vegetable beds! 😉 I also have to confess the observation about Alien Rejection was initially my partner’s. Everytime we see a story where someone boasts about being special and ‘chosen’ for abduction, we’re ‘Uh uh, you’re not special, you’re back, they rejected you’. Oh Uncle Bill, fancy lending Mary your plaid shirt. You’re gonna get people all confused!
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Tears of laughter right now!!! I adore this! All ghosts are named Mary…..all seagulls are named Graham. and on and on – brilliant!!!!!!
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Glad it made you laugh. The story of the burn is very real. It scared the crap out of me, I’ve no explanation to this day
I encountered a Mary at a shop I use to work at, and one at our old house. Never knew if it was the same one. never saw her but some stuff went on that we could not explain. My partner is convinced I’m the protagonist. I’m going to edit my post to include photos of one of our favourite Grahams from an Anniversary trip 4 years ago. Graham visited every morning 😉 They’re close-ups so hope you will be able to see him in all his sea-gully glory 🙂
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Totally bizarre!!!!!! I can’t wait for the pics!
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As an alternative theory to alien rejection I’d like to submit that you were almost possessed by an infernal being but, saintly as you are (around the wrist area), you rejected said intrusion and now there is a demon somewhere, terribly sad for eternity to be so callously dismissed.
You really ought to be nicer to the infernal.
The good news is, if this is true, you don’t even have to change the picture because of a 1984 Stephen King movie about a spirit and a cornfield and a bunch o’ very accepting kids. 😁
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Yes, I am rather saintly around the wrist area, so I accept your submission as a possibility. I often describe myself as The Devil’s Advocate, The Actual One. It’s a really annoying role I often play, so perhaps I brought up the Infernal myself. I’ll have a word with the Boss, see if we can cheer it up with something fun to do.
P.S. Did have to Google Infernal. Come over here with ya big words 😉
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Haha! Awesome … let’s make “infernal” the Blogging Tribe Word of the Day! #BTWD
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I’m with you: There is no other explanation except for aliens (creative as Tom’s alternative theory may be). Better have yourself scanned for an implant before they find you again and burn the other wrist. 😀
PS: Those seagulls may answer to Graham, but they’re probably aliens too. JUST LOOK AT THOSE EYES. Those are eyes that could burn a woman’s wrist to a crisp and not feel an ounce of remorse, I tell you …
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Holy Crap Heide, an implant! I had an operation on my wrist 3 years ago (long after the burn). What if they upgraded my implant? Maybe my wrists aren’t so saintly and I’m unwittingly sending out signals across the known Universe. And beyond. To Infinity. And you’re right. Graham did have a steely stare. But he was Cornish. And we did have pasties.
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“Graham did have a steely stare. But he was Cornish. And we did have pasties.” HAHAHA! Sounds like the start of a great novel.
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Maybe a wild party with way too much drinking and cooking? 😉
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It is true that my burns are usually cooking related. Who knew making a sandwich could be so dangerous? 😉 It was a rare alcohol-free night so had ruled out the Giggle Juice. I think it’s good to have some mystery in our lives. Otherwise I’d be stuck for stuff to write about! Thankyou for dropping in 🙂
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Love the Graham = weird about the burn. I have no theory to offer except, maybe, your bed sheets don’t like you and tried to cook you but there was only enough sheet to wrap around your wrist. Gotta watch out for the sheets, they can be nasty.
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Ah, the downside of cheap sheets. You could be on to something 😉
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Those aliens were super rude. I would leave a note handy just in case they drop by again, so they know what they did was not nice at all. Maybe nobody taught them about manners? It’s never too late for them to learn a lesson or two. 🙂
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It was a super rude thing to do wasn’t it? And to not even leave me with some ointment or Alien Aloe Vera to soothe my sore skin. Super rude. I’ll give them a piece of my mind if they come back, though it has been suggested they’ve got a piece of it already 😉
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I’m not surprised about aliens. I AM surprised about seagulls. Everyone knows that all seagulls are called Sid;-)
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That’s just their pseudoymn. It enables them to fly under the radar (as Everybody’s Favourite Funny Seaside Bird, ‘Sid The Seagull’) evading detection till the last minute when they steal your pasty.
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Ah, of course. Those devious monsters!
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😆 I love this post. Maybe they rejected you as you were just too evolved for them to handle!!
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Yes! At last, someone has waded through the mystery to discover the truth. That must be it, mustn’t it? Mustn’t it? 😉👽
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🤣😂
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