The WIP title for this piece was originally Ducky Lip. Why? Well, that’s a question I may be unable to answer comprehensibly. This little spoonerism just sounded funny to me and I thought it would be eye-catching. ‘Ooh, that looks like a fun read’, said Everyone, curiosity getting the better of them. And as the viewing stats racked up, I would bask in the glory of my wittiness, interrupted only briefly whilst I quickly looked up the meaning of spoonerism.
‘But it isn’t called Ducky Lip, it’s called Lucky Dip’.
Well-spotted Everyone. Yeah, about that; I ditched the spoonerism because recent delvings into the Blogosphere has thrown up the word ‘Ducky’ on surprisingly more than one occasion. ON OTHER BLOGS! I’m not going to name names but, how very dare they? I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if someone thought I’d appropriated a word coined elsewhere. So even though my Working Title had been in existence for a few months, my stressy head has been in existence longer and will not allow the coincidence to ride. Does anyone else tie themselves up in knots over stuff like this? The use of a phrase, theme, term or unusual word that you’ve completely independently struck on, only to find someone else has done the same and pipped you to the post. I read a book recently (and I’m not actually a huge book reader; shock, horror, hold the front page), where there were a few out-of-the-ordinary wordages that by sheer fluke I’d used in my own writing. I was mortified, thinking I could be called out by someone who’d read both and be thrown in Plagiariser Prison. It really played on my mind.
So the official title is the un-spooned Lucky Dip and here’s why;
I thought it would be amusing to take a look back through The Lockwood Echo and shine a dim torchlight on some of my personal favourite lines because…….
IT’S MY SECOND BLOGGING BIRTH-A-VERSARY!*
No-one is more surprised at that fact than me. I got very reflective on my first anniversary. It was an emotional affair;
‘Most of my family and friends were unaware I was meddling in aerodynamics and fake newspapers as a way to express myself.’
If you’d like to read the whole post; ‘Carpe Diem‘ can be found here.
As birthdays and anniversaries are the celebration of Self, I’ve decided to abandon shyness. And dignity. And this is where the Lucky Dip element comes in. Each line I’ve chosen is headed with a link to the original post. Sometimes the line is as good as the post gets. Sometimes the line is a reflection on the quality of the whole piece. Sometimes you will be hideously disappointed. Dip in to find out. You’ll find True Life Stories, Made Up Stuff and more than a smattering of Silliness. We don’t obligate readers here at The Echo, you are your own decision-makers, but maybe one of these quotes will pique your interest, plus it gives me the chance to encourage you to visit some pages you had hoped didn’t exist. At the very least it’s a list of out-of-context chuckles.
THE FOLLOWING TEXT CONTAINS EXAMPLES OF GRATUITOUS SELF-PROMOTION, WITHOUT DUE CONSIDERATION TO WORTHINESS, SKILL OR TALENT.
YOU ARE ADVISED TO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
In no particular order;
Christmas Redundancy – Day Two
Breakfast; Curly Wurly. Not as nutritious as it sounds on account of all the holes. Think they’re referred to as ‘empty calories’.
Not Another Tale From Camp
The Wee Hours. Camping reinforces why they’re called the Wee Hours. Regardless of how little you drink after 4pm, you are guaranteed at least one trip for a wee to an unlit building 400yds away in the middle of holy crap it’s dark out there.
A Note From The Editor #2
We sat captivated by the performance before us. And we loved it. We didn’t get it. But the people next to us did, and that was good enough for us to justify the ticket price.
For my part, I was wearing my lucky knickers. A black thong. Resembling an eyepatch and about the size of one, I thought the Pirate in Johnny would appreciate the sauciness, the tribute and the metaphorical splicing of the mainbrace.
The Rabbit Hole
You will work naked and speak only French.
Let Battle Commence #2
It was only an afternoon, but 4 hours is a long time to spend alone with someone who thinks you’re responsible for her best friend’s divorce.
You Don’t Got Mail
Before making your new email address public, we highly recommend you test it with someone you can trust, because we will fuck this up for you good and proper.
A Charlatan Funeral
There will be no hearse. The funeral ‘procession’ will see her coffin floated across the town’s boating lake, pulled by swan-shaped pedalos.
Easter Redundancy #2
Of course, what I really wanted to do was rub dog shit in their hair.
Glitterati: The A List
Another quiet one, but that is often the way with international superstars. Especially after they’ve died.
Job Application; Occultist
My abilities are quite far-reaching and I have become proficient in all areas of Fortune-Telling (or Sooth-Saying, if you prefer the Latin), and have a keen interest in Telekinetics. Especially when used to frighten the shit out of people.
Do Not Feed The Fish
The reality of the wetsuit fell very short of my fantasy………………..instead of exuding the sultry look of a Lamb’s Navy Rum Girl, with cleavage bursting through a teasingly low zip, I resembled a badly twisted balloon animal. Mostly black, but with shades of bloated where my face and hands used to be.
The Book Wot I Wrote (opportunity to purchase your very own piece of mediocre Lockwood talent).
It’s only a wee thing. No big deal. 5000 words, 2000 of which are really superfluous padding; acknowledgements etc. There are photos too. Which are mostly shit. Apart from the ones not even taken by me. And it doesn’t quite look how I’d hoped, but hey, I’m a book-publishing virgin. Oh, did I mention it’s for CHARIDEEEEE. And it’s about dogs. It’s quite cute.
And to think people employ publishers and literary agents to get the publicity and promotion just right. Who needs that? (You do Lockwood. You need that.)
Job Club Week 7
If you want to be a Power Ranger and it’s been your burning ambition since you were 28, then we won’t let a minor detail like them not existing in real life stop you.
The Darkroom Days
The downside of the job was having to view all the general public chose to photograph and some of it was a bit grim, or left little to the imagination! But we had stickers for that.
There There There
As my reaction had been lax and not as excitedly fast as it would’ve been had I accurately heard him shout ‘Deer Deer Deer’, the Deer Deer Deer had now Gone Gone Gone off into the Wood Wood Wood.
There is no charge for a rummage through my back catalogue. But there are no loyalty points either. I’m not running a tombola here. I do hope you enjoy your Dip. If you’d like an overview of the whole shebang, Hot Off The Press is my homepage, just to give you the chance to wonder ‘why on earth has she used a picture of a walrus on this one?’.
My two years here have been cathartic and sanity-saving. To each and every one of you who has read, engaged, or offered up your own world for us to see. I thank you. I thank the stars for aligning us and for all the wonderful, weird, wordy connections**. You’re all just a bit bloody brilliant.
*As clarified in an exchange with Cecilia over at Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks, there is no correct spelling for Birth-a-versary. I used a completely different selection of letters for my first one. It’s a celebration with a free-form alphabet at its heart.
**Special shout-out to Mr Lageose of Bonnywood Manor. A Kingpin (Queenpin?) amidst this Glorious Gaggle.