The Lockwood Echo

A Thing Happened

Dark almost invisible landscape. White signpost in foreground. Left sign points to 'Lost'. Right sign points to 'Home'.
Image by Fathromi Ramdlon from Pixabay


Today is The Lockwood Echo’s 5th Anniversary. Although, having been absent for 2 years and 9 months, I don’t know if the anniversary stands. I say ‘absent’; more honestly ‘lost’. So very very lost.

My last post was October 2019, and I said then I would be away for a while. I didn’t know if I’d ever come back.

You see, a Thing Happened. And that’s where the details end. It’s changed me immeasurably. Alas, not for the better. But let’s be honest, I was pretty perfect; hard to improve on that.

And then Lots of Things Happened. So many Things. I kid you not that I now frame The Pandemic as a footnote. Of course, I’m as impacted by it as anyone. I’m not being insensitive, nor disrespectful to other situations. Every single one of us has experienced the hardest of times, the most frightening of times, the most punishing of times. I say it in the context that The Pandemic started to tumble down my increasingly long list of Major Changes and Things to Fall Apart About. But wherever its position on that list, all the Things That Happened were magnified and extra surrealistically unbearable because of it. Support and comfort out of arm’s reach. Literally. I felt unable to engage with my social networks which had understandably turned in on themselves. Everyone’s focus and energy was within their own homes and their own worlds, quite rightly.

I no longer recognised my life.

I launched The Lockwood Echo as a longed-for creative platform. A place to purge, process and play. There was no great plan. No direction. No ambition. I just needed to find Something. And goodness, did I find it! It turned out to be one of the most fulfilling experiences of my entire life. Equally attested by fellow creatives; I found ‘My Tribe’. Clichéd but true (clichés exist because they exist). However, it’s a world I then excused myself from because I needed to. It’s impossible to face out when you can’t face in.

I’ve struggled to find a way back. And to do it without explanation. I don’t want to tear up what already exists. I don’t want to edit my offerings, change or re-launch. I put so much thought, time and energy into the original version (the OG I believe you kidz call it), I can’t imagine altering one iota of it. All the choices I made on its look and feel, its quirky touches, its ridiculous images. I love every aspect. When I make a decision, it’s usually underlined.

Along the way I’ve used a variety of comparisons and analogies to describe this concoction of mine; paper aeroplane, printing press, movie theatre. So I guess in those terms, I need to find a way to sharpen the creases of my wings, polish my typeface, re-wallpaper the auditorium.

Whilst I navigate the logistics of all that, I need to, at the very least, say how much I’ve missed you all. Yes, YOU. You at the back there, who’s stumbled in off the street and found yourself in the wrong building. Please stay. I’m a work in progress and could do with the company.

It’s been such a very very very long time. That somehow feels like just yesterday. I’ve not only been absent from writing, I’ve been absent from reading too. Realistically, I’ve no chance of catching up on 2 years and 9 months. For a variety of reasons, I don’t have the free time I used to. I’ve continued to use Twitter as my go to for news, views, controversy, companionship and cats (Duh!). I’ve become one of those non-engaging lurkers. Via which I’ve seen so many of you out there with books, publications, projects and all kinds of exciting fruits being nurtured and devoured. Gosh, it’s been a pure joy to witness.

If anyone happens along here, please use the comments to point me in the direction of a ‘must see’. One of your favourite posts, finds, photographs, artwork, anything you’re wildly proud of and bursting to share. It would be a lovely way to find myself a seat around the campfire again and warm my hands and heart. Keep it family friendly though, I’m delicately balanced.

I’ll apologise up front if I limit my interaction to a ‘like’ and I may choose to keep comments private. But I absolutely promise to look at everything you send my way, and I’ll try to do that in a timely manner.

How ever the last 2 years and 9 months has treated you, although I’m sadly sure there’s been some heart-breaking times (worse things are happening to better people than me), I sincerely hope there’s also been some positivity, kindness and a reason to get up and go again. I hope you’ve all found a means to peace and a path through your own personal Things That Happened. Life’s hard. They never said it’d be easy but they did say it’d be worth it. I’m gonna loiter on the corner to see if that’s still true.

I’ve missed you all immensely, so let’s see how this goes and maybe I’ll swing by here again.

Yours Truly
Lockwood
(Editor in Chief & Bottle Washer)

15 comments

    • It’s so good to see you here. Thankyou for dropping in. Life has enough curveballs for us; a seemingly endless supply. Dealing with them is hard enough isn’t it? Add a pandemic, then well, you know the rest. I’m going to try and at least get a snapshot of where everyone is ‘at’, and whatever days have gone before, hope the future holds some promise. Take care.

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  3. You’ve exploded back on the scene with unsettling, relatable truth. It was as though you took my thoughts and wrote them out for me to read. Tears came to my eyes because I felt your pain and struggle in every word. The past two years have been an incomprehensible blur of darkness and pain, and I’m struggling to find my way back to solid ground and something to believe in. Know that in this world, you are amongst those who understand and can offer support as you find your own way. Like Bojana, I have not been around much after re-emerging a year and a half ago. But I know there is a comfort to be found here, and I’m grateful for it. I am glad you are back. Sending you lots of love and hugs. xo

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    • One of the hardest things to deal with – coming back – was absolutely knowing I was not alone in my puddle of pain, and that is so heart-breaking and upsetting. To know so many are suffering their own Things Happening and struggling to find a way forward. I’m so very grateful you took the trouble to comment but so very sorry it’s hit a raw nerve. You too are not alone. You’re right, there is so much comfort and support to be found here. I so hope you are finding something that fits and helps. Our paths may be different, but they’re not isolated. We can see each other, we can call out to each other. As for ‘belief’, we need to try and believe in ourselves first I think. Easier said than done. In the meantime, take care and sending hugs back. P.S. What an adorable profile picture 😉

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  5. Oh my God, you are back!!!!! I’m so pleased to see you!!!! Someone else who I used to communicate with a lot on theirs and my posts also left and it really hasn’t been the same. Mind you I also haven’t put as much into it. I suppose I focussed more on my book editing rather than my blog during this time. Also WordPress seemed to go pretty quiet during the pandemic, but then I did too… I finally finished my book https://thisisrachelann.wordpress.com/2022/05/26/my-travel-memoir-of-a-year-of-slow-travel-in-india-thailand-tokyo-nepal-cambodia-and-vietnam-is-now-out/
    and also published a collection of blogs etc and republished a previous spiritual memoir, details of all three here: https://thisisrachelann.wordpress.com/about/
    I don’t know what you want to do on your blog but if you are into doing reviews just let me know and I’ll post you paperbacks or email you amazon ebooks of any or all.
    Missed you! I will look forward to reading absolutely anything you write on your blog.
    You are being understandably private but it sounds like you must have really been through a hard time. Very sorry to hear that. I hope you’re feeling better, and I hope that coming back onto the blog will be healing/inspiring/diverting/fun.
    PS I often thought of you when I was editing, as I too over use ‘that,’ I remember your very funny and educational post about getting rid of all the ‘thats.’
    Lots of love,
    Rachel

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    • Hey. Aww, thankyou so much for dropping in and taking the time to send a message. I think it may be premature to say ‘I’m back’ but I’ve done this, so that can only be a step forward, can’t it? Even if just a baby one. How productive you’ve been! The discipline and energy needed to keep a journal of your travels, let alone to see your book through is something you must be so proud of. Congratulations 🙂 . I will certainly be taking a look. Forgive me though if that takes a while 😉 . As you can see, the ‘thats’ still haunt me! How funny THAT stuck with you! I hope despite the turbulence of the last couple of years you’ve managed to stay safe, sane, and that (THAT!) life has given you things to look forward to. I really do intend to stop by everyone who I used to ‘hang’ with and get a snapshot of how life has been and where they’re at. It may take a while but (‘but’ is another over-used word of mine, I may have also mentioned that (THAT!) ), I know it will help me feel part of something and we all need that (THAT! Good grief!), now more than ever. Take care and I’m sure we’ll cross paths here again soon. 🙂

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      • Ha ha, great message! So lovely to hear from you Mrs Lockwood, and yes, not only love a that I also love a but too! In fact I never even knew there was anything wrong with a that until you wrote about thats in that post! I am fine, I am sure Covid had some kind of effect, of course, but I feel I have come through relatively unscathed. I didn’t get it, I worked all the way through, in a hospital/rehab centre, so I feel that gave me some perspective as well as a helpful routine. I very clearly remember the first day driving to work when everyone else had stopped, how quiet the roads were, and how eerie it felt, until I got used to it.
        https://thisisrachelann.wordpress.com/2020/05/14/the-songs-of-our-lockdown/
        We lived on the boat and my husband and I both worked in health and social care, part time, and life was not THAT different for us, fortunately. Aside from at the very beginning for a day, I didn’t really get properly scared, which I was lucky about, nor did I get involved on either side of the polarised debates, which I was happy about too. However I did get restless and we went off on the boat to Hertfordshire to work and continuously cruise on the boat for a year, April 21-April 22. I squeezed in a solo trip to India Dec 31st 2019- February 8th 2020, little knowing THAT would be it for a while. But extremely grateful that we were able to do what we did when we did it, and I know travel is a privilege at the best of times, and is insignificant compared to illness and a pandemic. Thank you for your kind words. You were always so encouraging and people’s encouragement particularly here in the blog is what helped me get the book completed. If and when you get around to it, I will love to hear what you think but of course, slowly slowly, as they say in India and please don’t feel any obligation!! And no need to reply to this long long message either, you have plenty of people to catch up with I’m sure. Wishing you all the best, Rachel x

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        • Well, I did say it may ‘take a while’ to engage, though even I think two and a half months exceeds that definition, but here I am, finally! Was interesting to read how you got through it all. The freedom of your new lifestyle must’ve taken on a different perspective during the pandemic. I’m sure there were downsides as well as ups, you certainly seemed to have navigated it all in a pragmatic and useful way. I reluctantly had to change jobs at the start of 2020, so just 8 weeks later bizarrely found myself in the position of a keyworker, my company being directly involved in the fight against covid. Like you, I felt very strange on that first day of lockdown. Every day I walked to work feeling like a sniper’s target. That whole experience was straight from a movie script. I’m putting your reply up as I think others will be interested, and although I’ve not got round to looking at your links yet, I absolutely promise to get there; THIS YEAR! I hope you have travel plans afoot and kudos for working in social care through that time, one of the hardest most important roles of all. Take care. xxx

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