Welcome to The Lockwood Echo’s Food & Drink section.
Like all quality fake newspapers, we (me) here at the Echo felt it important to include supplements relevant to today’s readership. Along with our (my) Travel Section, Job Section and Sport’s Page, this Food & Drink insert caters for the wide variety of interests and needs my audience has come to expect.
If you’re looking for delicious recipes, nutritional advice and answers to all your culinary queries, well, you won’t find them here.
What you will find is the word ‘wine’ printed several times, along with kitchen chaos, dinnertime disasters, recipe reinventions, shortcuts and cheats. Many a word has been used to describe me; ‘Cook’ is not one of them.
The following menu ranges from ‘Hardcore Cuffed It Up In The Kitchen’ right through to ‘The Word Sandwich Was Used Once’. So, help yourself to a plate, it’s a self-serve buffet, napkins are just over there on the cleaner of the two tables. I’d recommend you grab a handful, some of these are queasy.
I do hope you enjoyed the playful yet sophisticated use of foodie terminology peppered throughout this piece. It’s precisely this kind of writing skill that’s responsible for my book holding its own at 757,728th in Amazon’s Kindle Store.
Most recently brewed first;